Satan Gave Me A Taco
by Crow Black Dream
Summary: Kento and Rowen vie for control of the stereo. It's Hardrock vs. Strata! Beck vs. STP! You vs. pure stupidity! All that and more exclamation points than you can shake a stick at!


_Zero: This is what you get when it's 2 a.m. and I'm on a Stone Temple Pilots kick. And I just downloaded 'Satan Gave Me A Taco,' which inspired me to write this horrible fic. I don't own any of the bands, albums, songs, or the Ronin Warriors. Don't ask why a bunch of Japanese boys would listen to American music. And yes, there is OOC-ness. I have nothing against gays (hell, one of my best friends is such a flamer, if he were to walk by a gas station, it'd explode. Heh, bad cliché), but I always find it amusing when there is only implied homosexuality, such as here. _

Satan Gave Me A Taco 

Kento peeked around the corner, his nose brushing lightly against the doorframe. A grin, half-concealed by the doorway, began to appear on his face as he tightened his grip on the precious plastic square in his right hand.

Rowen was too busy writing a paper for school and tapping his fingers along to Stone Temple Pilots to notice Hardrock's presence behind him.

"I'll give ya something you won't forget. I said ya shouldn't have worn that dress, I said ya shouldn't have worn that dress. Here I come, I come, I come," Scott Weiland's voice sang over the guitars. Rei Faun's attention turned back to his mission as more lustful lyrics flowed from the speakers.

'Dirty boy!' Kento chuckled to himself as he mentally shamed Rowen for his taste in naughty music. 'Sex Type Thing' ended. The CD then launched into 'Wicked Garden' as Kento crept forward. He slowly opened his CD case and removed the shiny disc from within. He opened the 5-CD door and looked the CDs over, throwing a quick glance in Rowen's direction to reassure himself he was safe.

 The Offspring, Bush, a mixed CD, Nine Inch Nails… who the hell in this house listened to Nine Inch Nails? Eh, whatever. He removed the Razorblade Suitcase CD and placed his own precious compact disc on the tray. The song carried into a lull in lyrics. Rowen merely sat with his back turned, writing diligently in his notebook.

He pressed the skip CD button, then skipped backward to track 20.

"Burn, burn, burn, burn your wicked gar-" Rowen's head snapped up from where he was bent over his notebook. He looked around and realized his song was no longer playing. Instead, he heard a nasally, monotone voice, singing, "Satan gave me a taco, and it made me really sick. The chicken was all raw, and the grease was mighty thick…"

"Kento!" he shouted irritably as the Ronin of Hardrock grinned and stepped in front of the stereo.

"Can I help you?" Kento smiled proudly at his own accomplishment as Rowen tried to punch him in the stomach. He didn't so much as flinch, but instead proclaimed, "I am the human wall!"

"What the hell is this?" Strata held his hands up to the sound of, "Some old lady came along and thought I was freak. So she beat me with a handbag til I could hardly speak."

"Beck. It's 'Satan Gave Me A Taco.'"

"Well you can shove that taco up your ass! I was listening to Stone Temple Pilots!" Rowen growled and attempted to push his friend out of the way. Failure. "Why do you need the stereo, anyway?"

"Well, there isn't one in the dining room, now, is there? That song was rather 'raunchy,' though," Kento placed a heavy accent on the second to last word.

"It's about sexual harassment, baka!"

"Mmm," Kento cleaned the fingernails of his right hand with the nails of his left, casually stepping back against the stereo as Rowen tried to slip around him. He smirked and continued, "Is it true Scott Weiland's about as straight as a corkscrew? He looks pretty damn good in makeup."

"Hey, just because he wears makeup, that doesn't mean he's gay."

"Too bad for you, huh?"

"Well… Hey!" Rowen began, but realized Kento was distracting him. "Come on, another half hour and I'll be done with this paper. Come back then."

"No, I don't think so*," Kento shook his head.

"Argh!" Rowen threw his hands up and walked out of the room. Kento grinned and sat down in the dining room at the table. He picked up his bowl of ramen and began scarfing the food.

Beck's lovely, nasally voice suddenly cut out. Kento hopped up from the table, choking on the noodles.

"What the?" he stammered, still hacking up ramen. He strode into the study, only to see Rowen grinning and holding the stereo remote, which had been retrieved from the living room. Hardrock only shot him a syrupy smile, refusing to show his frustration. He pressed the skip CD button and waited for his music to begin. As the first song began to play, Rowen simpered and pressed the skip button on the remote.

"That's it!" Kento leapt on top of his scrawny friend, outstretched arms reaching for the remote.

"That's what you think!" Hashiba snickered and rolled away from Kento. To demonstrate his control over the situation, he skipped forward to 'Naked Sunday.' He hopped to his feet and started to make his escape when he felt a hard tug on his pant leg.

"You're not gettin' away that easy, pal!" the brawnier Ronin brought Rowen crashing down to the floor. "Gimme the damn remote!"

"No!"

"I said gimme!"

Due to the wrestling on the floor (which looked strangely homoerotic), the two grunting and shouting boys did not notice the stereo when it fell silent. They only noticed when they heard a woman's voice.

"I hear the clock, it's 6 a.m. I feel so far from where I've been," the singer moaned. Kento and Rowen looked up from the floor, only to see Cye standing at the stereo, wearing his beloved 'Kiss The Cook' apron and holding a CD case.

"Cye, what the hell _is_ this crap?" Kento got up and brushed himself off.

"It's Jewel," Cye turned up his nose indignantly. Rei Faun laughed as his friend turned to walk back into the kitchen.

"You really _are_ gay, aren't you?" Hardrock had to call after him.

"_What_?" Cye yelped. He turned his head slowly and stared with wide eyes.

"Only a gay man would listen to this!" Kento huffed between fits of laughter. Sage walked into the room and paused mid-step with wide eyes. He decided to stay and watch.

"I am not gay!" Mouri stamped his foot and crossed his arms.

"Ha, right. Why do you have a picture of Kento in your underwear drawer, then?" Rowen cut into the argument. Kento, who was doubled over from laughter, stopped cackling and fell face-first to the floor.

"I do not!" the Ronin of Torrent shouted. "And why were you going through my underwear drawer?"

"Well, I, uh," Rowen scrambled for an explanation.

"Who's gay now?" a new voice came into the conversation. Everyone looked over to see Ryo at the stereo. "And what about underwear drawers?"

"Well, Rowen was going on a panty raid through Cye's drawer and found a picture of Kento," Sage explained, hiding his laughter behind the palm of his hand. He couldn't hold the chortles in any longer and doubled over.

"_HEY_!" Strata, Torrent, and Hardrock shouted in unison.

"Really," Ryo said, then shrugged casually. He slipped his CD into the tray and pressed the skip button. 311 began to play. The others, save Sage, grumbled in frustration. Ryo sat down in a chair and began reading his assigned book for English.

Ce went back into the kitchen. Kento realized his ramen was now lukewarm and muttered about wasting food as he, too, went into the kitchen to toss the food out. He took care to stay away from his best friend, however. Sage ventured into the bathroom to check on his hair as Rowen continued on his rough draft of his paper.

"Well," Rowen sighed, thinking of his battle over control of the stereo, "That was pointless."

_-FIN-_

_* My brother says this all the time. Most irritating phrase on earth._

_Zero: The last line of this fic is basically my mentality of this: Very pointless! But I had fun writing it._


End file.
